Being a Military Wife

**I realize in some situations the mother is the military member, and in some situations both parents are the military members. But since I’m drawing from my experience, the military member will be referred to as he/him/Dad.

It’s amazing the things you hear about the military life, from people who don’t live it out. Some people believe nothing changes, and you’re like everyone else. Some people act like you’re part of a weird cult and you don’t live anything like they do. And both sides would be wrong. And both sides would be right.

In some ways things don’t change. Our kids still have school. We still make friends. We pay bills. We go shopping. We attend worship. We raise our children in loving households. And we love our husbands till death do us part.

But somethings are very different. Some of us homeschool our children, but for the ones that don’t, their children will have many schools in their lifetime.

We have different kinds of friends. Some of our friends are temporary, and when we change stations, things won’t ever really be the same. Some of them we’ll have an instant bond with, that distance will never be able to separate. Some of them will be civilians, who may never really understand what we’re going through.

Sometimes we go shopping at the same places you do. Sometimes we go shopping at the commissary. It’s mostly the same, but there are some differences. You have to show military ID. Some of the express lanes are only for those in uniform.

Sometimes we’re raising the kids alone. Imagine living the life of a single mother, but with half of you missing. When you’re married, your spouse is your heart & soul. And when they deploy, part of you goes with them. Some military communities call this being a military widow. I don’t like the term, because I think it’s too grim, but it does explain the effect.

Some branches, and some career fields will be deployed more frequently than others. For the Air Force, our cops (Security Forces) are 6 months on, 6 months off. Can you imagine your husband being gone half of the year? For the Navy, they can be assigned to overseas missions for up to 3 years. They do get 3 years of shore duty after that, but they can still be deployed to the desert during shore duty. And those are usually 1 year assignments.

My husband & I got married in June ’09. We got pregnant in July ’09. October, he left for a 1 year assignment in Asia. We spent our birthdays apart. Valentine’s Day apart. Christmas apart. We spent our first anniversary apart. He came home on mid-tour in time to see our daughter born. And about a week later, he had to leave again. That’s a feeling like no other. Your throat feels like it’s closing up on you…you try to keep the tears from coming. After all you need to stay strong..you’re the temporary head of the household. But you feel like your hearts breaking. You know what you signed on for. You knew this was coming. But that doesn’t make it any easier.

We love our husbands till death do us part. But we know what that means. Death comes without asking anyone’s permission. People get sick. Cars crash. Sometimes, terrorists take down your towers, and the world is never the same. But those things aren’t expected. When your husband deploys, you hang on ever phone call, every email, every communication…just to know he’s okay.

He’ll talk about his buddies, how much the food sucks, and what he’s doing on his next day off. But all you really care is that he’s okay. And all you really want to know, is when he’s coming home. It becomes a mental countdown…10 more months, 4 more months, 3 weeks…etc.

But when they return? You hold them tighter, because you don’t know how long until they leave again. The kisses are sweeter, because you’ve missed them so much. And you enjoy each moment like it’s the last one, because at any moment, it might be. Until they come home again.

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